Top Ten Fears

So recently my girlfriend decided to make a list of her worst fears, and let me just say...there were a lot of them! Some of them needed explanation like wind for example. As I went further down the list they seemed to get more and more severe. The top started with a few harmless things that may take quite a bit of time before they can actually kill you, but then there were others (like terrorists) that most NORMAL people are afraid of...me included. Why tell you all of this? Well, that is pretty simple: I have decided to make my own list of my worst fears and draw a picture of what would happen if I were to come into contact with them. Now starting at the top of the list with the most harmless is...
1. Cardboard... I don't really know why but I feel like it will just pop up out of nowhere and try to eat me!...I really need to get some help soon.

 Now you can't honestly say that by looking at this you aren't terrified...if this came popping out at you while you were watching Hannah Montana I'm sure that the last thing you would do would be hand over your cereal. I would probably scream in terror and repeatedly hit it with a pillow before it ultimately surrendered and decided to be my slave for the rest of its miserable life.

2. I know that there must have been at least one time in your life when your closet door was left open and the sleeve of that one shirt that you never even wear was just showing through a crack. Suddenly this harmless object becomes something we all know is obviously impossible. Like a dragon or a scary sushi man with a knife... oh wait that's later. Or maybe it just so happens to be the Bogey Monster coming to steal your precious Teddy away from your loving grip and then RIP IT TO SHREDS!!!!!!!!!.... sure we have all been there...some of us are still at this point.

You may notice that there is a significant little yellow spot on my cow pajamas... yes that is pee...and I have absolutely nothing to say about that. Now what would a child of say the age of seven do in a situation like this. My guess is cover their entire body with sheets and use it as some sort of protective barrier against all evil ultimately almost suffocating themselves when really if a person were to walk into their room they would notice the automatically. I know that my bed doesn't constantly have a child shaped bump in it..and if it did I would probably call an exterminator.

3. When a person says the word "snake" what do most people do? The answer... pick their feet up off the ground and possibly shudder a bit. People don't like snakes...normal people anyway. There is just something not right about a creature who is slimy with no legs and has fangs its like Satan in creature form...oh yeah... When I was younger I used to dream about how snakes would crawl into my bed and attack me so but I'm almost positive it was just the bed sheets strangling me.

  (Note from the editor: He meant "burger" I believe.)

You know, snakes aren't so scary with a hamburger for a head...wait yes they are I lied. Look at it mocking us...don't you just want to step on it and do the rest of the good natured world a favor?

4. Now knives are a natural thing to be afraid of and there are multiple RATIONAL reasons why, but of course mine has to be the most IR-rational of them all. I'm not only afraid of knives I'm afraid of the people holding the knives. That is a logical reason. No, I wasn't stabbed as a young child by some creeper at daycare, I'm just afraid because if the person is like bipolar they could lash out at any moment and turn on you then what? You can't throw squirt on them because that would make them even more angry...and sticky. And you don't want that even in a perfect world. I'm sure that it would be scarier if the knife wielder was a little old woman because then you would never expect her to lash out and attack you...she might break a hip! Wow this has blown way out of proportion

See what did I tell you? And I am sure that you are not about to help this little old lady across the street because she will surely shank you once your destination is in sight. Then she will loot your pockets and probably kick you a few times...that's what I'd do.

5. Now we are starting to get down to some more all around fears. Now because clowns scare me so much I decided that I don't have the guts to draw one. The types of clowns that scare me are the ones that go to college just for that specific job. At first I felt sorry for them because they grew up in bad homes and life pretty much sucked for them then I realized that they could have gone to be a doctor or a teacher, something more productive in life than just scaring the living daylights out of me. I also hate the people who dress themselves up and cover their body in paint just to stand on a sidewalk and when someone takes a photo with them they quickly wrap their arms around them and make the person jump out of their skin. Sure it's funny when you see it on AFV but what if it happened to you? That is the exact reason that I carry a pan in my European shoulder bag when i go to the city...jk

6. Now, if you have read my Mulan post then this next one won't come as a shock to some of you. And if you haven't read it yet... do it right now...seriously. So the fact is I'm afraid of horses. I don't why, but I just am. Maybe it's because they have the nerve to be larger than me and prance around in their pens of grass so gracefully. Well, it's not my fault my sister got the "graceful genes" Horsey! At least I can walk around outside of that little fence you're stuck in! Oh, what now sucker! Yes, I have yelled that at a horse before. The real reason I think I am afraid is because I think this will happen to me.

Not my most flattering picture I realize, but think with me for a minute about how scary that experience could be. See, I told you that I wasn't crazy. Horses just seem to mock me and anger me. They also know that if I were to get anywhere near them they would take turns kicking me in the face until I was on the ground for good and then make a game out of stomping in my face repeatedly... uh it just gives me nightmares thinking about it.

7. Now as you already know I have a fear of withes...that is, I have a fear of BAD witches. Otherwise known as Death Eaters or followers of the Dark Lord himself... Voldemort. They are by far my worst fear, but now that I know how to arm myself in case I'm not holding my wand (which is highly unlikely), they have moved up into the less of a threat part of my list. There are already plenty of pictures of witches in the survival guide so I decided not to bother and drew this instead:

Sure... it had absolutely nothing to do with the topic but do me a favor and stare at it for 15 seconds and appreciate how long it took me to make this............... Okay thank you very much.

8.Now for this next one I don't think it would be smart to draw because it is a terrorist. Drawing that would just be morbid and I kinda don't really feel like being arrested at this particular time in life. Most people nowadays are afraid of terrorists. After 9/11 fear over came America and we haven't been the same since. Well, let me put this in terms you might understand. When a doctor is overlooking a baby right after it's born he is usually holding it right? What happens when he drops that child? Wow, that sounded even worse than terrorists did. Anyway, the baby will never be the same. So, in a nutshell America was dropped on their heads by the doctor know as Osama Bin Laden and we shall never be the same. Okay onto the next fear.

9. The annoying orange has been petrifying my dreams ever since I had ever seen that video. There are some internet videos that you watch and immediately start wetting yourself because you were laugh so hard you didn't even realize it until there is a huge wet spot in the office chair that your parents spent 75 dollars on...not saying that this has happened to me. Then there are some you are just bored by and some you think "Why did anyone spend the time making this?' The annoying orange however doesn't fall under either of these categories. Along with Charlie the Unicorn, The Badger Song and anything involving Chuck Norris it has been strategically placed under..."Scream in terror as your brain is melted to mush by total nonsense!" Yes i realize that it is a ridiculously long name for a title, but work with me. Whoever came up with the idea to photo shop their own face onto an orange and blow it up big enough to make their tongue look like a giant tape worm escaping a black hole of death is right up there with people that I do not want to come into contact with in my life. Honestly look at this picture and tell me that you won't have nightmares for at least a month.

Don't you just want to sink a knife into it so that we can end the suffering? Now it is the moment we have all been waiting for... The final fright!

10. Now, this may seem like I have fallen off the deep end but everyone is scared of something. My biggest fear of all is... this:

 First of all, no... this is not the Heat Miser even though is kind of scary too. This is a little thing I call Spontaneous Combustion. Yes I am afraid of randomly bursting into flames and flailing around violently until all of those I love are also on fire as well. Its a bit out there but wouldn't you be afraid of it too? Okay I'll admit that I probably could find a worse fear out there other than this one, but this is still pretty scary right?

I realize now that writing and drawing about ten different things is more difficult than I thought, but at the same time now you all know what scares the living daylights out of me so you will be sure to protect me from them...right? Well this has been enjoyable, but I have nothing more to say to you people at this moment in time... goodbye for now.

The Witch Survival Guide: A Need For Every Student Nowadays

As some of you may know...I like Harry Potter, and in Harry Potter there are witches and wizards... however these are not bad things unless you see them as that. But this is not what I am here to tell you about. What I am about to tell you may scare some of the readers, so if you happen to have a weak stomach I urge you to look away for the fear that you may upchuck all over your computer screen...and that would be disgusting.


Most of you can recall learning about the Salem Witch trials, and most of you can also probably think about how stupid you thought the people were for thinking that someone may be a witch... however although that may still ring true I am here to tell you that those people were smart in thinking through this because I have recently acquired true information that has not yet been leaked into the general public... there are witches among us once again! Yes this is true information from a ... somewhat reliable source... okay so i just decided that the girl who sits next to me in history is one. This is how I know this it true: Somehow all of my materials magically end up on the floor in front of my desk.  This is what i think happened:

                          
As you can probably see from the picture the witch thought it would be funny to float my objects so that they are hovering just off of my desk and just as I reach for them... she stops the spell and they land with a clattering smash to the ground. I hate her. After this had happened multiple times I decided to confront her:

Me: Karynn... i know you are a witch.

Karynn: Um... excuse me? What did you just...

Me: Now there is no reason to argue. Only a witch would do that and a witch would also throw a innocent person's history binder on the ground. Karynn, how does being a witch make you feel? Do you get enjoyment out of other peoples' pain?

Karynn: First of all I'm not a witch nor will I ever be a witch.

Me: Can you prove that?

Karynn: No, how am I exactly supposed to do that?

Me: If you weren't a witch you would know exactly how to do that, but since you don't know that automatically makes you a witch...you sick, sick creature.

Karynn: I'm not a witch! How many times do I need to tell you?!

Me: Denial. I think we should burn you at the stake for such treachery and then skin you for a pair of boots.

Karynn: For what I haven't even done anything?

Me: How does it feel to pry on the weak and senseless? You have killed innocent people and that has effected others.

Karynn: Oh, I've killed people now? Who have I killed exactly?

After this i was quiet for some time and couldn't think up a good answer for this question so instead i decided to draw a picture.

 Well, I don't think that this picture needs too much explanation because it kind of speaks for itself. She decided that she didn't like this picture so i drew another one to humor her:

 At this point she hit me so hard that I nearly fell out of my chair and onto the floor. Hey, I thought it was pretty funny. Finally she defiled Harry Potter once again and threw my book on the ground as if it were nothing...that book cost me 15 bucks and she just throws it on the ground as if it was some measly little baby! What a witch. I think its time we take a stand against those who think that witchcraft is the only answer. Its time to rise up to the cause and stop those who join the ranks of evil (and the dark lord, Lord Voldemort). Will you join me or die?!?!?! Now here are my safety tips in case you just so happen to cross paths with a witch:

1. To identify a witch use the following- Look at their hair it will most likely be in a tangled mess or covering the upper part of the face so that you can never see when they are about to conjure up a spell. She may be moving her arms in an awkward rhythm as if she is practicing the movements to conjure up the spells. And lastly keep a tight hold on your possessions and don't ever let them out of your sight unless you fell like picking them up off of the ground multiple times in one class period.
2. Once a witch has been identified she will not give herself up easily and may deny you the satisfaction of telling you the truth. At this point you should ask her to prove that she is not a witch. Now, all humans know how to prove that you are indeed not a witch, however all wizard or witch born people are unable to access the idea of how exactly to prove this to a muggle. However I myself am a wizard and I was able to decipher the meaning behind it, but seeing as there may be some witches reading this I am unable to release that information at this moment.
3. Wen you have finished interrogating her she may reach for her wand, and I am almost positive of the spell she would use. First it would be stupefy to petrify you into oblivion followed by the cruciatus curse and finally a slam bang finish of Avada Kedavra. (Oh, and be sure not to read these aloud while grasping your wand).
4. The best way to escape these spells is a zig-zag
5. It has been perceived that witches can melt when they are dowsed with water this is obviously a myth because it is a ridiculous Hollywood stunt that didn't even come close to the real thing. The substance that can truly kill a witch is none other than... Squirt soda pop. It is a proven fact that no one on the face of the earth can bear to even smell squirt. It is the most disgusting mixture of citrus fruits on the face of the earth. The only person known to man kind to ever had consumed an entire bottle of this liver burning substance is none other than the chosen one himself Harry Potter. Now once the liquid has been thrown at the creature you may want to get out of range, because soon boils will overtake her skin and grow larger and larger until... well I'm not about to draw a picture of that you can come up with one for that on your own. Once the witch has...gone you may begin to celebrate, for you have rid the world of some of the worst evil in the entire world.

Just a hint: be sure that the witch is a death eater before deciding to burst her into oblivion.
Just another hint: This doesn't work on wizards or annoying siblings..trust me... it doesn't.

Mulan: The One and Only!

Recently my high school finished their run of Oklahoma! At first there was a group of us (me included) who were not quite pleased with the selection of the show. Of course, being the naive teenagers we are, we thought we could have chosen a better show to do. But,  although we were still bitter about it we decided to audition anyway. The run of the show was full of frustration and that good old thing called teen angst, but it ended up being one of our most successful shows. In the midst of all this was my girlfriend Kyra and I. I basically forced her to join through a guilt trip and she did end up liking it. Through the experience we came up with some good inside jokes that are sure to exclude others and make them feel even more worthless than they really are. For example look at this picture:

 Now before you make assumptions let me answer some questions you may have:

1. Yes, she is Asian (Chinese to be exact on the country)
2. No, I'm not a racist and I really love Asians.  Heck, I practically invented "Hug an Asian Day."
3. She is born in the year of the Dragon and will grow up to live in Romania and train them.
4. I realize that her blanket is red but that is only because she hates pink...she is anti-pink.  If there was one color she could murder with a broom it would be pink! And it would look like this:

Mulan is angry at the pink and so the pink is crying. Also,  she wont be into all that "Hello Kitty" crap, because no adopted daughter of mine is going to be a part of a franchise. No sir. Also I would like to point out that neither my girlfriend or I are Asian. We are just planning to adopt. Another thing to take into account is that I do not promote violence. Anyway, after bringing her back to the states we have decided to keep her with a nanny who will teach her Mandarin as well as English. We are both planning on being very busy and we may not see a whole lot of her childhood so Maya (the nanny who,  surprisingly, is also Asian) will just need to record every second of it on our video camera...wow, this is making us sound like we would be really terrible parents. I promise this will get better soon. As soon as she is at least six we will move to a house in Connecticut and open a ranch in our backyard...JK horses scare the living daylights out of me. We both will continue our jobs in DC and NYC and fire Maya for attempting to eat our dog... again, I'm not racist we just needed a reason to fire her and saying she tried to eat our child is a bit morbid. Soon Mulan will want to meet her biological mother so we will have to go back to china, where we will find out that her biological mother had died from a very rare form of ear cancer... and I'm sure that it is a real thing. That is basically Mulan's life so far and we have already started her college fund. However, there is one drawback in this story... at one point she will want to know what her original name was... as it turns out it was really Pang because she was supposed to be a boy... but that is a different story for a different time...

You Are Offically a Minion

So, you may have noticed that I changed followers to minions. Yes, I have a legit reason for it. I got to thinking about how much I don't like you being called followers, because it makes me feel so much like Jesus and we all know there is only one of him. So I thought "hmmm"....... maybe I could call you friends but that wouldn't work because i don't know all of the people who look at this page and never will... sorry to disappoint you. Then I thought of calling you my back up dancers but that would look a little something like this...

Eventually lives would be lost, blood spilled and babies would soon rule the earth. However, Super Stick would be there to save the day and keep us all from making this fatal mistake more than once. A third thought soon crossed my mind...  minions!... My inner voice seemed to protest but my own said do it...do it... DO IT!!!! so I did. Mischievous laughter soon filled my head like a sudden clap of thunder and a grin that most likely resemble the Grinch soon spread across my face...okay so i got too much into it. It's not like this is going to happen or anything.





Well, at least not anytime in the near future... Mwahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!

Um I think I need a break from this thing for a while its going to my head. Thanks for reading and I'll be sure to post more soon.

Just a Quick Hello From Me...

Hmm.... (that's me thinking about what to say). Well, to start off let me just say hi...HI!!!! I have been wanting to start this for quite some time and now its finally a reality, and let me just say that starting a blog is way more confusing than it sounds...(especially when you are technologically challenged like me). Recently i was introduced to two pretty popular blogs: "Hyperbole and a Half" and "Dear Girls Above Me", both of which are pretty popular and amazing in their own separate ways. I decided that I want people to know a little more about me which brings us back to the beginning...

 I decided to make it in space to draw in your attention. If you look close enough you an see an alien looking deep into your soul and frying your brain as we speak...jk that is just the florescent light from your computer screen. Anyways, i don't know how often i will be posting but hopefully it will be constant... (that is if anyone even decides to read these anyway)...